1

 

She had been so excited to have visitors. It was good for Gerald as well. He never took her anywhere anymore. Once, some time ago, they had known what it was to be young, and to laugh, but now it seemed every day was so much longer than the last, and with so much less to fill it.

​

She walked in the garden, between the overgrown flower beds, touching the wall now covered in moss. Everything looked tired. Near the house a wall had crumbled, the stones sheepishly spilling out over the path, helpless and prostrate. She had asked Gerald to repair it, but he didn’t want to talk about it. He never wanted to talk about anything like that, not anymore. Once there had been a gardener, once there had been servants. Once the house had been full of life. No more. He wouldn’t talk about it so there was no point asking. The man she married would sit by the fire, drinking, his head in his hands as if an answer might somehow come to him, as if things might get better if he just survived the evening, just slept until morning, until a new day. But it was always the same day, in the same house.

​

Once a year, on the same date, he allowed her to have visitors. It felt like that was his one concession to her, having their friends visit on their anniversary. Not that she nagged him, or cajoled or prodded. He didn’t like that. He didn’t like to be made to think of things that had been left undone or still had to be done.

​

The house was tired. She could see something green growing from the side of one of the chimneys. It seemed so unhappy. It had been built so long ago, when men had made great fortunes and built great houses with endless rooms they couldn’t possibly use. It seemed like it wasn’t their place to let it decay, that it was a betrayal of the people who had gone before. A grandfather who had made his own great fortune, the fortune that meant Gerald could stay at home, a fortune that paid for horses that were never ridden. A fortune that should pay to maintain the house.

​

Sometimes she decided that she hated money. Sometimes she thought it allowed people to do what they wanted, and that was rarely what was best for them. Yet she didn’t have the courage to wish it all away, for what if that solved none of their problems? It would certainly create more.

​

A window was broken. One in the basement. It should be repaired or it would lead to more damage. Things left unattended to only brought more trouble, More rot. More disintegration. The tree on the roof, such a victory for the determination of life to survive anywhere, but it would bring destruction. It would reach its roots into the brickwork and break it apart, water would follow. How long before the whole house crumbled to dust?

​

She could do nothing but watch as everything slowly degraded, as it was destroyed before her eyes.

​

The laughter was so incongruous.

​

She stood and watched as windows flew open and their friends whooped and laughed. A towel suddenly appeared at a window, followed by a whoop of delight. Others followed. More laughter. It was all so wrong. She felt it. Gerald would be so upset. Would he be angry with her for not stopping them? It was hard to say. Her heart ached as she thought of his unhappiness. They would see when he returned, he wouldn’t find it funny. She had told them but nobody listened. Nobody ever listened to her. If only she had been able to stop them. The party had been going so well. It was such a terrible shame.

 

2

 

“You are sure they will come?”

​

Gerald nodded. “They will be here Victoria, I promise. They come every year, don’t they?”

​

He looked so old these days, although she would never say so. He was only twenty-five, yet he looked so much older. His hair was grey and he had wrinkles on his face, but he was still Gerald. She often worried he was ill and had tried to persuade him to call on Doctor Cartwright, but he wouldn’t hear of it. He often said he ached. That couldn’t be right, could it? Why wouldn’t he see a doctor? She had always been fond of Doctor Cartwright. He was such a kind man.

​

She wanted to believe the house would come to life again but it seemed the prospect of visitors was not enough to awaken it. As she walked through the halls she could still see the damp patches high above. It all needed to be repaired but Gerald didn’t seem to care. She so wished she could do something to help him out of the malaise he found himself in.

​

She watched as Gerald busied himself preparing for their visitors. He insisted on doing it all himself. He was such an enigma! How could someone with so little inclination to get things done be so active when it came to things she would like to do? Why wouldn’t he let her get things ready? It seemed unfair, though she would not say so.

 

She called to him from the top of the stairs, “Should I help? Should I prepare the table?”

​

He shook his head, shuffling painfully like an old man, “No. I will do it. You can watch for them out of the window, or just rest. Do what you wish.”

​

She worried about him. He was not perfect. Sometimes he didn’t want to talk and would sit in silence for hours. Sometimes he would ignore her and go upstairs or to go and walk in the garden. She tried to understand but, in truth, sometimes she just sat hidden in some corner, concealed by moss covered walls or exhausted branches which should have held green leaves. And she cried. She cried because of what was happening to him. She cried because she couldn’t stop it, because he kept pushing her away and because she loved him so much she could just collapse to the ground, just curl up and succumb to the pain and lie there until she decayed to dust and blew away. 

 

And yet sometimes he laughed. There were moments, fewer and more fleeting as time went on, when she could see his eyes come alive, when she could see that he was happy. She liked to think in those moments he was happy to be with her. In those moments it all seemed worth it, though outside them she was more unsure if that was true.

​

She could not go outside to watch for them, of course. Her dress would drag on the ground and become dirty. That would not do. Not when there were visitors coming.

 

She soon convinced herself they weren’t coming. She had taken herself upstairs to stare out of the window, gazing at the road leading up to the house. She tried to pretend that she wasn’t waiting for them, that she was just looking at the trees that lined the drive, as she often did. Someone long ago had planted them, knowing they would never see them fully grown, knowing it would be for others to enjoy them. The idea always fascinated her.

​

They wouldn’t come. They had better things to do than come to a house that was falling apart and spend time with her and Gerald. After a year of waiting there would be only disappointment. Gerald would not come to life again in the presence of their friends and the house would not be filled with laughter. Today would be just as yesterday was, and just as the day before, and there was nothing she could do about it.

​

Then, just as the world returned to the way it always had been, as hope gave way to resignation, as she thought about whether Gerald would let her help him put everything away again, she heard the long case clock downstairs begin to strike six and at the end of the road she saw a black dot. Then two more. 

​

Carriages.

​

Three carriages delivering something. People. Friends. She watched as the dots became bigger. Soon she could see the horses and the drivers. Suddenly there was something else, a man leaning out of the lead carriage. He was shouting something and she could see his hand in the air. The driver became more animated and the horses began to speed up, making the first carriage draw away from the others. A man then appeared from the second carriage and the process repeated. The same thing then happened with the third carriage.

​

The other two carriages sped up as the men shouted. They were not just shouting though, they were laughing. She recognised the man leaning out of the lead carriage, it was Alfred! Whooping and laughing and shouting at the driver to push the horses on! 

​

It was Howard in the second carriage, gaining ground. The third must be Lawrence. It looked like his cause was lost but still he was laughing. As the carriages raced towards the house she saw a figure in red appear at the other side of the first carriage, hanging out of the door. Alice! She held onto the carriage with one hand and her hat with the other. Victoria could hear her laughter as the carriage bounced along the road, threatening to send her flying. She didn’t care. Alice never cared about danger, or what one should do or what was expected. She shouted back to Howard, telling him to hurry or they’d go to the party without him.

​

The others would be in the carriages behind. Emily would never hang out of a carriage in such a manner. She enjoyed life too much to take such risks. She’d be telling Howard to slow down, to stop being so silly. But she’d be laughing as she did so, she wouldn’t really mean it.

​

Soon she could see Georgia’s head poking out from the third carriage. She’d be angry that they weren’t at the front, angry at Lawrence for not thinking of the race first and angry at him for not surprising her with a victory to start the night off correctly.

​

As the sound of laughter raced towards the house Victoria turned and dashed down the stairs, “Gerald! They’re here! They’re coming!”

​

As she reached him he turned and grasped her by the elbows, pinning her to the spot, “You must remember to behave properly. You know they go too far at times.”

​

He looked worried. Why? Why couldn’t he just let her enjoy this one night? Why did he have to fret so much? She tried to wrestle from his grip, “Gerald, you’re hurting me! Let go!”

​

He released her and turned to head to the dining room. Why did he have to behave like that? “Gerald, we must greet them as they arrive! We can’t be rude.”

​

He stopped, sighed and turned around. She reached out for his hand and he took it, standing by her to await a knock on the door. She looked at him, examining his profile. She gave a small smile, seeking the same from him in return, but it was wasted. Why wouldn’t he look at her?

​

It seemed their friends didn’t feel the need to knock. Instead they came crashing through the door, bringing life and laughter with them.

​

The door flew back on its hinges as Freddy came in carrying Alice on his back. It bounced when it reached its limit and struck Alice’s leg, sending her into gales of laughter as she flapped her hands and kicked at it. The others strode in behind them.

​

Freddy dropped Alice onto her feet and she ran to Victoria and threw her arms around her, “How has it been a year already? I can’t believe it!”

​

Freddy stood in front of Gerald, drawing himself up to his full height in a mockery of a soldier standing to attention, his blonde curls bouncing as his head bobbed into position, “How are you old boy?”

​

With one hand he lightly slapped Gerald’s cheek and with the other he thrust a bottle of wine into his hands, “There’s more outside. We’ve started already, naturally.”

​

Howard and Emily waited their turn, standing leaning into each other, arm in arm. 

​

When Alice released Victoria they took her place, embracing her without unlocking their own arms. Emily kissed her on the cheek, “It’s so good to see you! I don’t know why we always leave it so long! And you must come to us one of these days.”

​

Lawrence and Georgia stood watching, each with a wine bottle in hand. Lawrence ran his free hand through his dark hair and ruffled it, as if he was trying to wake himself up, “Gerald! Another year, eh? Little bit older, little bit wiser?”

 

Gerald didn’t answer and soon found his shoulder was briefly grabbed by Howard as he walked past, “Come on old friend, let’s go and socialise!”

​

Lawrence and Georgia stood in front of Victoria. Georgia took both of her hands in hers. She tilted her head slightly, “Oh Vicky, you must get so lonely here. I’m so, so glad we do this.”

​

Victoria smiled, “It’s fine, really. But I’m so glad you’re here.”

​

It was as if the world had colour again. They were all so alive, so vibrant. She caught herself wishing Gerald could be more like that and stopped the thought. She mustn’t think like that, it wasn’t fair, she just needed to try harder for him. The night would be perfect. Everyone was dressed so beautifully. The men were all dressed like gentlemen and her friends’ dresses were so stunning. Georgia was dressed in black, which seemed very daring but scarcely less than Alice who was in bright scarlet. She didn’t know where they found such clothes. She had never seen anyone else wearing anything like them. Emily was dressed in a more subdued green but her dress seemed to sparkle in a way Victoria couldn’t define. They all wore such beautiful jewellery. They all had rings on each finger that were silver and black, with coiled designs and intricate patterns. They always wore them. Had that always been the fashion? She seemed so boring by comparison, standing there in her pale-yellow dress and nothing but her wedding and engagement rings by way of adornment.

​

In the dining room they took their places round the table. It was long with three seats on each side and one at each end. Gerald pulled out Victoria’s chair so she could sit down at the head of the table. Immediately Freddy and Alice sat either side of her, Freddy sitting in Gerald’s seat.

​

“You don’t mind old friend, do you? We just haven’t seen Victoria for so long, have we Ally?”

​

Alice leaned into Victoria, resting her hand on the back of her chair, “Absolutely. We must do this more often, mustn’t we Gerald?”

​

Gerald went to sit at the other end of the table but found Howard took the seat before he could get there, Emily taking the place beside him. Gerald found the only seat available to him was in the middle of one side, between Alice and Emily with Georgia facing him.

​

Emily touched his shoulder, seemingly absent-mindedly, and he recoiled, “Gerald, Alice is right, we must do this more frequently. We mustn’t leave it a year next time, must we?”

​

Georgia appeared slightly annoyed, as was often the case. She leaned forward, “That’s so true. And why do we have to do it when it’s so cold? We should come when it’s sunny so we can enjoy the grounds.”

​

Gerald looked downwards, unfolding a napkin and putting it on his lap, “You always say this is the only time you can come.”

​

“Do we? Well, that’s probably Lawrence. I get tired always having to fit around him.”

​

Lawrence looked from side to side in mock confusion, “Me? I do anything you say, darling. I’ll go anywhere with you, anytime, you know that, ends of the Earth. Of course I will.”

​

He went to touch the back of Georgia’s head but she batted his hand away instinctively before he reached her.

Victoria was so happy she felt she could cry. They were all together, all happy. It had been such a long time. Why had it been such a long time?

​

Freddy gestured towards the numerous plates, heaped with food, on the table, “Look at this! Your cook has done such a good job Gerald! You must increase her wages, I insist! We should all contribute!”

​

Victoria smiled, “No, it’s all done by Gerald, Freddy. He does it all himself. He won’t even let me help!”

​

Emily reached across and touched Gerald’s ear, clearly on purpose this time, and he flinched, “Gerald, you really are quite a catch aren’t you? What have we all done to deserve this?”

​

As Freddy grabbed a chicken leg he raised a glass which he had already filled with his own wine, “A toast to the chef!”

 

Laughter erupted around the table and Victoria realised she didn’t have a drink, “Wait everyone, we must make sure we all have a drink first!”

​

Gerald interrupted, staring at his own empty glass, “Shouldn’t we say ‘Grace’ first?”

​

The laughter stopped and all froze in position, slowly turning to look at Gerald.

​

Howard put his glass down and took Emily’s hand, “Grace, dear boy? There’s no need for that is there?”

​

The only sound was Freddy pouring wine into Victoria’s glass. She looked anxious. Why had it stopped? Why weren’t people happy anymore?

​

Gerald poured water into his own glass, “I think I’d like to.”

​

Everyone looked at each other. Georgia fixed him with a stare. After a moment’s silence she spoke, “Well Gerald, if you must. But why not do it quietly, into yourself?”

​

Alice and Emily shifted uncomfortably as Gerald bowed his head and prayed silently.

​

Howard lifted his, now full, glass, “I believe there was a toast to be given?”

​

Freddy stood up, “Indeed, to our gracious host and the beautiful Victoria!”

​

As soon as her glass touched her lips Victoria remembered something and put it down again, waving her hands frantically, “Oh, I forgot! I got something for everyone!”

​

Gerald looked anxious, “What is it, Victoria?”

​

She opened the door, “It’s a surprise!”

​

She disappeared and the room was silent apart from the sound of her footsteps on the stairs.

​

Howard emptied his glass and let out a loud sigh, “So, how are things Gerald?”

​

“Don’t call me that.”

​

Lawrence and Howard looked at each other, incredulous. Lawrence smirked and looked round the table, “What should he call you?”

​

Gerald stared at the table, “Don’t call me that. You’re here. She’s happy. You have what you wanted. There’s no need to call me that.”

​

Emily slowly, forcefully, put her hand on his thigh. He bristled but she pressed so hard he could feel the many rings on her fingers through his trousers. She frowned but tilted her head sympathetically, “Now Gerald, what’s all this about? We’re just friends, here to socialise.”

​

He kept staring at the table, biting his lip as if there was something he wanted to say but couldn’t, “Get your hand off me.”

​

After a pause Emily leaned back again, smiling. It seemed she was about to speak when Victoria burst in through the door holding a bowl, “Look! I picked these in the garden for you all. They’re from our apple tree, the one we planted when Gerald and I were married! I kept them hidden upstairs because I knew Gerald wouldn’t let me help.”

 

Georgia sat back, keeping her eyes fixed on Gerald, “How lovely.”

 

Lawrence and Howard both nodded. Emily made a space on the table in front of Gerald, “Here my dear, put them here.”

​

Alice and Freddy kept their eyes locked on each other. Freddy shrugged and Alice smiled in return.

​

Victoria placed the bowl of apples down and took one, biting into it. It was as sweet as she’d hoped. Such a fitting start to the evening. She knew they would all love the apples. So little grew in the garden anymore but the tree was thriving. It seemed like such a positive sign for her and Gerald. The apples glistened in the bowl, perfect. She looked at Gerald expectantly.

​

Emily rested her elbows in the table, clasped her hands together and rested her chin on them. She raised her eyebrows and stared at Gerald, “Well, Gerald? Why don’t you have an apple?”

​

He hesitated, “No thank you.”

​

Emily smiled, and spoke more firmly, “Come on now, don’t insult Victoria. Not on her special night. She gathered them specially for you.”

​

Gerald began to look nervous, “I don’t like apples very much.”

​

It was ridiculous. Victoria couldn’t understand why he would say that, “Don’t be silly Gerald, you adore apples.”

​

Georgia glowered at him, “Eat an apple,” She hissed the next word, “Gerald.”

​

Emily plucked an apple from the bowl and bit into it. Victoria heard the crunch. It seemed to echo around the room. Georgia did the same. Freddy shrugged and smiled, “Apples for everyone. Hurray for Victoria!” and passed one to Alice before lobbing one each to Lawrence and Howard, who caught them easily.

​

Gerald shuddered as all around the table devoured their apples. He looked at Georgia and slowly took an apple from the bowl. It was dull and rotten. He watched as Victoria finished the mould covered apple she had chosen, nodding with delight as she bit into the soft, grey fruit. Georgia did the same, making a great show of consuming the fetid apple in her own hand, rancid juice dribbling down between the silver rings on her fingers.

​

He brought the fruit to his mouth, closed his eyes and tried to force himself to bite into it. He knew Georgia was smirking, although he could not see her.

​

He was both relieved and irritated when he heard a bell ring. Someone was at the door.

​

Alice leaned back and looked sideways at him, still eating her putrefied apple, “Gerald? You haven’t invited anyone else have you?”

​

He put down the apple and headed to the door, “No. I’ll get rid of them.”

​

Alice turned to Victoria, examining a worm crawling out from the remaining half of the apple before biting it in half and observing the remaining half wriggle ineffectually, “The apples are simply delicious Victoria, what a charming idea.”

​

There was the sound of raised voices from outside the room and Victoria strained to hear. It seemed none of the others noticed. They just kept talking as normal and soon they were laughing and joking as usual.

​

She edged towards the door so she could hear more clearly.

​

She could hear Gerald was furious, “Not tonight! You know I can’t come tonight!”

​

Whoever was at the door was hissing and snarling, “You have to, it’s burning!”

​

“Then let it burn! Not tonight!”

​

“You don’t mean that! You have responsibilities!”

​

“I have responsibilities here!”

​

The man at the door sounded outraged, “A party? You need to come now. There is no choice!”

​

She heard Gerald curse. She had never heard him so angry. As she heard him walking back from the front door she slipped back into the room and took her seat.

​

Gerald appeared, angry and flustered, a piece of paper in his hand. The others sat lounging in their chairs, draped over each other as they waited, half-interested, for an explanation.

​

Gerald stuffed the piece of paper in his pocket, “I have to go. There is some kind of trouble at the mine. They need me. I’ll be back as quickly as I can.”

​

Emily smiled, “You be careful riding at night. It could be very dark by the time you come back. We wouldn’t want you having an accident.”

​

Gerald ignored her and knelt down beside Victoria, “I will be as quick as I can. You be careful while I’m away. Don’t worry about anything Victoria. Everything will be fine. I’ll ride like the devil himself, I swear. I’ll be back soon.”

​

Howard laughed, “You’ll be lucky. On your horse? You really should have bought one of those new motor cars.”

Suddenly silence descended on the room. Gerald lifted his head, his face white with rage, “You shut your mouth! You shouldn’t say things like that! You know you shouldn’t!”

​

Victoria was confused, “What’s a ‘motor car’?”

​

Howard held his head up straight but looked panicked, as if he knew what he had done. He paused for a moment before putting down his glass with a shaking hand and nodding almost imperceptibly, “I’m sorry. I forgot myself.”

​

Nobody had answered Victoria’s question. Georgia put her hand up and waved it away, “It’s just a silly thing from one of these stories the boys read. Let’s not hold Gerald back, dear.”

​

Gerald glared at Georgia, who lifted her eyebrows questioningly, “You all behave yourselves while I’m gone.”

​

Emily idly spun the rings around on her fingers, slowly rotating them with the fingertips of her other hand, “Of course Gerald, we always do.”

​

As he left he paused at the door as if he was reconsidering his decision. Then he was gone.

​

Victoria was disappointed that he had to leave but she understood. He was a busy man. It was amazing that he was able to be at home as much as he was.

​

She would never tell him but as soon as he was gone everyone seemed much happier. They all ate the food Gerald had made and laughed and drank and shouted and sang. Hours passed. Hours of merriment and silliness. Hours that reminded her how things could be if she could see her friends more often. They went outside for more wine. She asked them if their drivers needed any food but they said they didn’t. She didn’t understand that but she didn’t ask again.

​

At one point Freddy turned to Victoria, “Tell me Vicky, when are you going to have him fix up this house?”

​

Victoria earnestly tried to reassure Freddy, “Oh, Gerald will do it when he has time. He’s very busy.”

​

Freddy smiled, “Of course. It is a beautiful house isn’t it?”

​

“Oh yes,” She couldn’t imagine living anywhere else.

​

Freddy refilled his glass, “You know the stories about it, don’t you?”

​

Victoria didn’t know what he was talking about. There were no stories. It was just a house.

​

The room became silent again, except for Freddy, “What about the secret room?”

​

“What secret room?”

​

“The story is that there’s a secret room somewhere in this house. A room you can’t access unless you know, well, the secret.”

​

The others looked at the two of them. Freddy slyly eyeing Victoria, watching for a hint of deception, Victoria looking bemused and concerned.

​

Alice put her glass down, thinking out loud, “Yes. I remember something about that. How do I know that? I can’t remember who told me.”

​

Howard put his arm around Emily and drew her to him, “Yes Freddy, I heard that. A room with something in it. Something mysterious. I feel like I’ve heard that too.”

​

Alice giggled, “Well Vicky? Do you know?”

​

Victoria frowned, “No, I don’t. There are no secret rooms. I don’t know who told you that.”

​

Freddy sat back and addressed everyone, “Well, there’s one way to find out. I have an idea. Who would like to have some fun?”

​

Alice grinned and clapped her hands, “Oh, I like this! Party games!”

​

Freddy stood up and crouched down in front of Victoria, taking both of her hands in his, “We need lots and lots of towels, or sheets. Can you show us where we can get them?”

​

As everyone suddenly drunkenly stood up and a chair fell to the floor amid giggling Victoria realised that they were going to search the house. Gerald wouldn’t want that. He had told them to behave, “No Freddy, we mustn’t.”

​

But it was too late. They were already leaving. On the way out Emily lifted Victoria’s glass and drained it, “Come on Vicky, don’t be so dull. Let’s go and find this room.”

​

Freddy nodded, “Let’s go. It’ll be fun!”

​

He got up, still holding her hands, “No Freddy, I really don’t think…”

​

But she was in the hall. Freddy whispered to her, reassuring her as the others ran down the hall, screaming and shrieking.

​

She was scared. What would Gerald say if he came back? She looked at Freddy, pleading with her eyes for him to stop it.

​

He just smiled, in a way that scared her, “Go outside and see Victoria, go outside and see!” He began laughing and released her hands, “Go and see!”

​

She looked at the door, then at Freddy’s back as he ran after the others. Where was Gerald? She wanted him to come back but also hoped he’d stay away. What was happening? She was so scared and there was nobody there to help her. She wrapped her arms around herself and headed towards the door.

 

3.

 

She stumbled through the garden, the house looming over her. It was so cold. Why did they have to meet in the winter? It was dark but the moon was full. If it hadn’t been she would surely have become lost.

​

The laughter.

​

There was such laughter coming from the house. That was what she had wanted, wasn’t it? But it didn’t seem like the house was alive. It seemed like there was something alive inside it, like it was infected with some terrible disease, like it was going mad.

​

Window after window flew open and a towel or a sheet appeared, hanging from it. Sometimes she would see one of her friends briefly as they pushed a bundle of material out the window and arranged it before vanishing, laughing, back into the house. The rooms were still dark. How could they see what they were doing?

​

She saw Alice and Freddy at a window on the top floor. Alice opened the window, gathered up her scarlet dress and lifted her leg over the windowsill. Freddy copied her and they sat there, their laughter deafening as they held each other and kissed. For a moment Victoria thought they were going to climb out, to step into the darkness, but they didn’t. They just hung there grotesquely, cackling and howling. Below them Georgia craned her neck out of a window and looked up, shouting encouragement. Something was wrong. Where was Gerald? She stumbled over the stones which the wall had shed, almost losing her footing. It felt like the house had tried to trip her up, as if it was betraying her. What was happening?

​

Howard hung out of a window, calling to her, screaming unnecessarily, “Do you see Vicky? Look for a window without anything in it!”

​

They were going to find the room, if there was one. They were going to mark every window they could find, in every room. If there was a secret room there would be a window without anything in it. Gerald would be so angry. Where was he? She turned away from the house and began to cry. It was so cold. It was all wrong. Why was it so wrong? Why wasn’t she laughing with the rest of them?

​

Finally they were finished. She could hear them coming out of the house. Laughing and whooping. She heard a glass smash. She couldn’t decide whether to hide or run to them. Why would she hide from her friends? She cowered behind the wall, drying her eyes.

​

Lawrence’s voice, “Vicky! Look! There it is!”

​

She could see it. A window on the first floor with a closed window. There was nothing hanging from it. A secret room? How could that be? Wouldn’t Gerald have told her?

​

What was she to do?

​

Then she heard it: the sound of hoofbeats in the distance and a man shouting, driving a horse on, cursing and yelling.

 

Gerald. He was coming back. She looked at the house then over the wall at her friends searching for her. She felt panic and she didn’t know who to be afraid of.

​

She could see Gerald in the distance, the horse at full gallop, snorting and straining. Gerald was up and out of his saddle, hunched over, cursing it, bedamning it, swearing vengeance on it, his coat billowing out behind him.

​

The devil.

​

He said he would ride like the devil. She pictured his eyes like glowing red coals, his face black. He was coming for her.

​

The others could see him. They began applauding and laughing, shouting encouragement. She could see their silhouettes, wine bottles in hand.

​

She got up and walked towards them. They watched her, smiling. Alice was hanging on Freddy, one foot off the ground, “Vicky! Where have you been?”

And still Gerald thundered towards them. As she got closer to the group he began to howl. Was it anger, or a warning?

​

He seemed to be heading straight for her. Surely he didn’t mean to trample her? Had she angered him so. She hugged herself tightly, standing there, freezing cold, in the moonlight as he drove the horse forward. She wouldn’t run. If he wanted to harm her she would accept it. Where would she go without him? Who would she be? She began to cry again. The others were still laughing but she didn’t know if they were laughing at her. Perhaps they hadn’t noticed she was crying. She couldn’t bear to look and check. She didn’t want to know the truth.

​

There was only twenty yards between them as Gerald bore down on her, screaming. As he reached her he pulled hard on the reins, turning the horse and bringing it to a sliding stop between her and the others.

​

There was applause, and cheering. She could hear Alice’s voice, “Bravo Gerald! Bravo!”

​

Gerald jumped down from the horse and grabbed her by her shoulders, his eyes wild, but not glowing. Perhaps he wasn’t the devil after all. She sobbed, “I’m sorry, I couldn’t stop them! I’m sorry!”

​

Gerald looked at the house, then at her, “It’s fine. It’s all fine. Did they hurt you?”

​

She didn’t understand, why would her friends hurt her? “No, no, of course not!”

​

He took his arms away from her shoulders and turned to the others, walking round the horse, which seemed exhausted. He addressed the group, “Enough. Go home.”

​

Emily pouted, “Oh Gerald, we just wanted to see the secret room. Can’t you show us it?”

​

His voice was firm, “Go home. This is finished.”

​

Emily threw her arms wide, a glass in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other, “Oh come on, the party is just getting started. Why do you always have to be so miserable?”

​

“It was one of you who set the fire wasn’t it? You can’t be trusted. Go home. We’ll see you next year.”

​

Freddy stepped to the front of the group, a wine bottle in one of his hands, Alice holding his other with both of her hands. He didn’t seem as friendly as before, “Gerald. Don’t be so rude. Remember who you are talking to.”

​

“I remember well enough. It’s eleven. You shouldn’t be here. You know how it works. You leave at eleven. We get this hour alone. Until midnight.”

​

There was anger in Freddy’s eyes but he stopped, as if something was holding him back, “You’re telling me how it works?”

​

“Yes. I am. Go. Go now. Back where you all came from.”

​

“What if I want to go and look in that room first?”

​

“Then you’ll be breaking an agreement. And I don’t think you’re going to do that. Go home. Leave us.”

​

Freddy looked at the others and stepped forward before changing his mind and slowly turning round and taking a step back towards the group. Suddenly he turned back round and threw the wine bottle to the ground, smashing it and showering Gerald with glass, “Why don’t we go, eh Gerald? There’s always next year isn’t there?”

​

Gerald shook his clothes, sending tiny shards of glass to the ground around him.

​

The group finally moved away, following Freddy. Victoria could hear female voices cheerfully shouting “Bye, Gerald!” and cackling as they walked off into the night.

​

Gerald came and put his arm around her and they stood there until three carriages rattled and clattered their way down the road, away from the house.

​

Victoria looked at the house, “I thought they were my friends.”

​

Gerald paused, as if unsure how to answer, “I know.”

​

“Gerald. I want to see inside that room.”

​

Gerald reached up for the reins of his horse and sighed, “I know.”

​

She followed him as he walked back towards the house. Curtains billowed out from it, waving to her. Nothing made any sense. Everything had gone wrong.

​

Gerald didn’t say anything. Not as he returned the horse to its stable, not as he took her into the house, not as he took her upstairs, past the mess of broken glass and sheets torn from beds.

​

He stopped in front of a bookcase in the hall.

​

“You’re sure you want to know?”

​

Victoria didn’t know what to say, “I do. But I don’t know what is happening. I don’t know what you are going to show me.”

​

Gerald nodded and removed some books from the top shelf before reaching up and sliding a bolt back. He pulled gently on the bookcase and it swung back to reveal a door.

​

Victoria touched it, incredulous, “I never noticed. How can I not have noticed?”

​

Gerald looked so sad, “Sometimes you do. Sometimes.”

​

He turned the handle on the door and gently pushed it open. He seemed reluctant to enter and she glanced at him, seeing he was now looking at the ground, before stepping into the room herself.

​

It looked like it had been undisturbed for a very long time. There was something in the bed. She could hardly make anything out in the moonlight. She put her hand to her mouth as she realised what it was.

​

Gerald waited by the door. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t say things would be fine or that she wasn’t to worry.

​

The corpse in the bed was little more than a skeleton. The little skin that was left had turned grey long ago. Although its pale-yellow dress had rotted away in places she still recognised it. 

​

She touched the dress she was wearing, “That’s my dress.”

​

Gerald nodded but didn’t answer.

​

She began to shake and struggled to catch her breath, “This isn’t true. It’s a trick. It’s cruel Gerald, you mustn’t do things like this.”

​

Gerald didn’t say anything. He wasn’t laughing. Victoria sat down on the end of the bed. 

​

She understood or, at least, she understood enough.

​

Gerald finally entered and sat down beside her, taking her hand.

​

She felt numb. It couldn’t be true, “How did I die?”

​

Gerald’s eyes began to fill with tears, “In childbirth.”

​

She shook her head, “I don’t remember.”

​

He nodded, his voice breaking, “I know.”

​

It couldn’t be true. None of it made sense.

​

Gerald held her hand tightly and put his other on top of it, “His name was Edwin. Do you remember that?”

​

She looked at the corpse again, “No, I don’t think so.”

​

“That’s how it was meant to be.”

​

Victoria nodded, “Who are they?”

​

Gerald cleared his throat and wiped his eyes. He was finding it difficult to speak, “They are your friends.”

​

She kept staring at the woman in the bed, “Who are they? Really?”

​

“Alice, Emily and Georgia were your friends. You shared an interest.”

​

She remembered something, or felt something. She wasn’t sure there was a difference, “There’s something under the bed. I can feel it.”

​

Gerald nodded and tried to speak but could only manage, “Yes.”

​

She reached under the bed and pulled out a wooden box. She opened the lid and found it contained a book, candles and jars of various herbs, among other things. She noticed a pile of silver and black rings. She spoke in a whisper, “These are mine.”

​

Another nod.

​

“Magic?”

​

“Yes. Magic.”

​

“So what are they? Witches?”

​

“Something like that, yes. They made a choice. You made a different one. You were in love.”

​

“And Freddy, and Lawrence, and Howard? They are witches?”

​

“As far as I can tell they are some kind of…consorts. From another place.”

​

Her face crumpled as she tried to make sense of it all, “Demons?”

​

Gerald closed his eyes and shook his head, “I…I’m not sure exactly.”

​

She whispered, “Tell me what happened. Tell me what happened after I died. Tell me why I’m here.”

​

“Well, you left us. There was nothing that could be done. Doctor Cartwright did everything he could. When your friends found out they were enraged. They said they should have been called sooner. You dying robbed them of some power. You were the most powerful of all of them. You always were. They were angry, and hurting.”

​

“They did something?”

​

“They tried to bring you back. “Gerald looked up at the ceiling to stop tears rolling from his eyes, “It was too late. You were already gone. They shouldn’t have tried. It was wrong. They brought back what they could. They brought you back to me, in a manner of speaking.”

​

She stared at the corpse on the bed, “I’m not really here am I?”

​

Gerald took her hand, “Yes, you are. Tonight you are. Once a year. Once a year they come and visit you, when the link is strongest. Particularly on a night like this when there’s a full moon as well.”

​

“Today…it’s October. It’s All-Hallows Eve.”

​

“Yes. Yes, it is.”

​

“Why didn’t I notice that?”

​

“You aren’t…supposed to remember everything. It would be too upsetting for you.”

​

“I wasn’t married in October. It’s not our anniversary. It was such a hot day when we were married.”

​

Gerald nodded, “No, it’s not our anniversary.”

​

She put her hand on his and struggled to speak without crying, “Why have you been ignoring me, Gerald? Why aren’t we together?”

​

A tear ran down Gerald’s cheek, “I can’t hear you,” His shoulders began to shake, “I try but I can’t hear you. Sometimes I do. I hear your voice or I hear you walking around the house. But usually I’m alone here.”

​

Victoria nodded, “That’s why you never leave.”

​

“I stay here in case you need me. In case you come back and there’s nobody here. I don’t want you to be scared. The business, it can cope without me. Usually.”

​

“Today, you wouldn’t let me help with the food.”

​

Gerald looked up at the ceiling again as tears rolled down his cheeks, “Everything you touch decays. The food. The house. The garden. There’s no point repairing anything and anyway…”

​

“Anyway what? Why don’t you fix anything? Why not?”

​

He looked down at his hand, her hand on top of it. He put his other hand over hers, feeling the cold metal of her wedding ring, “Because I hope that one day they won’t want to come here anymore. That there will be nothing more for them to come back to.”

​

“They must know about this? Why didn’t they know about the room?”

​

“When they…brought you back, they cast a spell that means as soon as they are near the house they don’t remember everything. Otherwise it would make them too angry. They want to enjoy being here with you. They do remember some of it, sometimes, it varies. You don’t remember anything that would upset you. That’s how it works.”

“And tomorrow?”

​

“You’ll be gone again. More or less.”

​

“Have I ever been in this room before?”

​

“Sometimes. Six or seven times. I try to keep everything calm but sometimes it goes wrong.”

​

She looked at the window. Were her friends still out there somewhere or were they somewhere else? “How do I react?”

​

Gerald shrugged, “Sometimes you get scared. Sometimes you cry. It varies.”

​

Six or seven times? It made no sense. “How long has this been going on?”

​

Gerald looked at her, “Victoria, how old do you think I am?”

​

“You’re twenty-five. That’s what I don’t understand.”

​

Gerald took her hands, “Victoria, look at me.”

​

She looked at him. His hair was grey. His face was wrinkled. She had thought he was ill, “I don’t understand. You are twenty-five.”

​

“Victoria, I am sixty-three years old.”

​

“No!” She pulled away from him and stood up, “No! It’s not true! We were married three years ago! This is all wrong! This is a nightmare! It’s a trick!”

​

We don’t have long Victoria. This will all fade soon and you won’t remember. You won’t know you are dead. I need you to listen.”

​

She backed away until she was leaning against the wall. She had a feeling in the pit of her stomach. Panic again. It couldn’t be true, “Why should I listen to you? You’re tricking me!”

​

“It’s not a trick. Every year, just before midnight, I talk to you and I explain all this. I try to convince you to make the right decision.”

​

“What decision? I’m dead! You’re telling me I died a long time ago!”

​

“I want you to move on. You need to leave me. You need to end this.”

​

“Every time? And I’ve always said no? Every time?”

​

There was a long pause and Gerald put his head in his hands, “Not every time. One time you agreed. You agreed you would move on the next year. You wanted to say goodbye to your friends. It was a time like this, when you found the room. It seems to make it more real for you but I can’t do it every year, I can’t bear to do this to you.”

​

She looked at the corpse on the bed again, at the closed window with nothing hanging from it, at her husband. So old. He had wasted his whole life waiting for her, her haunting the house, her friends torturing him once a year, “I don’t understand. Why am I still here? If I chose to move on why am I still here?”

​

Gerald bit his lip, then took a deep breath, “Because it didn’t go well. Your friends didn’t agree. They became angry again. They said it wasn’t for your husband to meddle in such things. That you had been tricked, that undue influence had been brought to bear.”

​

“So they persuaded me to stay?”

​

“No. They became violent. And they will again. If you choose to move on then next year they will come here and they will kill me. There is nothing more certain.”

​

Her friends wouldn’t do anything like that. He was confused, “No, they wouldn’t. And if they would then why would you ask me to move on?”

​

“Because I want the best for you. Because I love you. And because I don’t know how much time I have left. I don’t want you trapped here, lonely, forever, being visited by them for all time. I can’t bear the thought of that.”

​

“But, Gerald, what if they hurt you?” She came back to the bed and held his head in her hands, wiping his tears away, even though they were quickly replaced. “I love you. I’ve always loved you. You can’t know how much. Every day my heart breaks because we aren’t together. I can’t bear it. How could I bear it if I was the reason someone hurt you?”

​

He mirrored what she was doing, his hands on her cheeks, “I love you, but look at me, really look. Can’t you see?”

​

“I know, you’re old. It doesn’t matter, I’m sorry I didn’t notice. I see you the way you always were, when we were married. Don’t ask me to leave you Gerald. Please don’t ask that. I’ll stay here forever. Even after you’ve gone. I can’t have them hurt you.”

​

He began to sob, “You never notice. How can you never notice? Can’t you see? Can’t you see who’s in the bed? Why don’t you ever see?”

​

She looked at the corpse again, “It’s me. I understand Gerald.”

​

“Look again. I’m not Gerald. Can’t you see?”

​

“What? Of course you are,” She looked again at the bed. There were two corpses. How had she missed that?

​

“I’m not Gerald. They killed him. Mother, I’m Edwin.”

​

No. She backed away from the bed as the room began to tilt. She felt dizzy. “No.”

​

“How can you not remember?”

​

There were two bodies on the bed. Two. No. “No, it’s not true.”

​

“You need to go, Mother, you need to cross. This is the only day you can do it. You need to be at peace. I’d rather they killed me than you were trapped like this. You need to lie down in the bed and sleep.”

​

“No. No, you’re Gerald. You’re Gerald. I would know.”

​

And she looked at him. She looked at her son, Edwin.

​

He looked so terrified, so desperate, “Please go, Mother. Please? There isn’t much time.”

​

And she saw it all. She remembered everything. She felt time fading away as her son held her hand.

 

The parties, the endless parties. Freddy turning on Gerald. Edwin carrying his body into the bed. She remembered everything. She had to make a decision. She had to do the right thing for him. She knew what she had to do. As Edwin begged her she knew there was no choice, not this time. She touched him on the cheek and made her decision. She heard the clock begin to strike the hour and told him to leave the room and not look back.

​

And he did. She watched him leave as she sat on the bed. She could hear the faint chimes of the clock from downstairs. Edwin was only one thing from her. She closed her eyes.  

 

4.

 

The next day a cold November sun rose and bathed the house in its pale light. Although it was crumbling and the plants in the garden were dying, the new morning seemed to bring hope.

​

An old man woke up in the house as a freezing wind roared through it, its curtains trying to escape through its open windows. He shuffled down the hall, contemplating the next year of his life. He had accepted what was going to happen, long ago. He was content, for the first time in a very long time. As he moved through the house closing windows he thought about where his mother was now.

​

He hadn’t slept. He had cried for her, for his father, for himself. He had cried for the past and the present and the future that was yet to come. It was over. At last she was at peace. Despite everything else that was enough.

​

Down the corridor someone watched him. Someone who didn’t understand why he ignored her so. She did so much for him. She wouldn’t give up. She would keep looking after him, forever. He was her husband after all. She loved Gerald so much. She didn’t understand why he couldn’t be with her the way he used to be. At least he allowed her to see her friends once a year, on their anniversary.. That was something. She would look forward to that, when they could all laugh together again. It was almost a year away but it would be worth waiting for. In the meantime she had more than enough love for both of them. She always would have, no matter what.